absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
