We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
