i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
