It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize