No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
