And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
