So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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