lets start a swedish sibling band together
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
