Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
