Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
