i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
