According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
