Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
