absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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