When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
