So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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