Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
