If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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