I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
