I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
