I wish my penis had an off switch
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
