Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
