How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
