I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
