at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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