WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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