if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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