the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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