dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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