His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
