when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
