why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want a musical about memes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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