Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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