Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
