btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize