Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
