she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
