to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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