i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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