I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
