Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
