i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
