so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
