And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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