mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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