Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
