Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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