those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
