we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
