theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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