Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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