im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
