I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You may now shotgun with the bride
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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