ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
