We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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