Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
