How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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