I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
