so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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