need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
