He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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