like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
