The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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