I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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