if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
