Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
