she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
