Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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