is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
