btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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