just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
