She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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