It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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