TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
