Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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