its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
