I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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