dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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